~ Please Be Patient If You Can ~
Nobody knows the loneliness in me,
nobody knows me enough to see.
The tears I cry from day to day,
they silently fall and fade away.
My heart it aches so deep and hard,
a feeling I long so much to discard.
I reach out in friendship to make a connection,
only to feel so much more a rejection.
A rejection that is known by me alone,
upholding my fears to others unknown.
My fear is of appearing foolish for you to see,
a great nagging fear that wont let me be.
I need to act proper, I need to act right,
if I say or do the wrong thing, its my desire take flight.
I want you to see me, to know who I am,
its so scary for me though, please be patient if you can.
Deep within this soul, this spirit of mine,
is a complex person one word can’t define.
I can be witty and funny, caring and sincere,
yet so overwhelming has been validation of my fear.
The part you don’t see is how flamboyant I can be,
I keep it well hidden, so it can’t make a fool of me.
Sometimes that part appears so boisterous and loud,
then I remember it shouldn’t and I shy from the crowd.
On stage I used to let that part take over and run,
I certainly can’t deny that wonderful feeling of fun.
But once I stepped down, back off the stage,
I closed that book on every page.
It saddens me to have this great nagging fear,
a need within for who I really am to disappear.
I know deep within God created every treasured part,
from the very beginning, the first beat of my heart.
I listened too much to what others had to say,
instead of accepting it was God who created me this way.
He created me just for His purpose alone,
yet the me that I am, I feel the need to disown.
So if I seem a little uptight to you,
it may be that I feel foolish about the things I say and do.
I’ve tried all my life to be the me who I am,
its so scary for me though, please be patient if you can.
Written by Rebecca Rawson
Copyright © 2000
I think the loneliness that comes from a sense of inadequacy and misfittedness is something that everyone has experienced in one way or another throughout their lives, in many ways during many times.
Often we view the vulnerability that comes with expressing those feelings of self-doubt, misfittedness and the quirks that make us uniquely ourselves as weaknesses and shortcomings. And, to be completely honest, many more people than would ever care to admit have been shamed, abused and carefully conditioned into suppressing the smallest glimmer of the magical traits and gifts within that set them apart.
The suppression of those precious, unique traits and gifts, that each and every individual possesses, becoming the source of self-doubt, misfittedness, inadequacy and in turn loneliness — rather than those traits and gifts shining brightly through the encouragement to hone them, much less use them purposefully as they were intended.
But I wonder, if we were all a tad more honest in our times of loneliness and embraced the eccentricities that set us apart…
Would we live in a world that is more open to accepting those eccentricities as the precious traits, gifts and assets that they are?
Would we feel more encouraged and nurtured, giving way to a sense of being wonderfully and acceptably unique?
Or, would the loneliness that it is so prevalent in more people’s lives than is ever revealed, simply remain?
Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where loneliness didn’t exist. A place where every person was valued for their ability to be uniquely themselves in their own right, rather than their ability to hide their true self away for the sake of fitting in to serve the ideals and the fallacy of “normal”.
